ACPI wanted to take a moment of your Mothers Day to wish you a wonderful day and send you a moment true appreciation for the mothers who start their day with coffee and end their day with prayers. We thank you for every moment of dedication you spend in the pursuit of raising wonderful children.

A Mothers Love by Helen Steiner Rice

A Mother’s love is something
that no on can explain,
It is made of deep devotion
and of sacrifice and pain,

It is endless and unselfish
and enduring come what may
For nothing can destroy it
or take that love away…

It is patient and forgiving
when all others are forsaking,
And it never fails or falters
even though the heart is breaking…

It believes beyond believing
when the world around condemns,
And it glows with all the beauty
of the rarest, brightest gems…

It is far beyond defining,
it defies all explanation,
And it still remains a secret
like the mysteries of creation…

A many splendored miracle
man cannot understand
And another wondrous evidence
of God’s tender guiding hand.

by Foster Cline, MD and Lisa C. Greene
 
When a child is first diagnosed with a medical condition, especially a life-threatening one, the first question many parents understandably ask is, “How long does my child have to live?” Medical professionals respond by quoting the statistics.
 
Statistically, all illnesses have a somewhat predictable course or an “average life expectancy.” But statistics based on the group norms may be very misleading and even disabling when applied to individual children. It’s very hard to predict who will be among the many who “beat the odds.”
 
Historically, medical professionals have been known to advise parents of children with cystic fibrosis not to worry about saving for their children’s college education. And parents have been known to lower their expectations concerning their children’s performance in school, sports, or other important matters relating to the future and living a “normal” life.

This lowering of expectations, with its suggestion of a “What’s the use?” attitude does a great disservice to children. It encourages them to become both entitled and to feel hopeless within themselves. Achievement and self-image both suffer.

The average life expectancy for many diseases is increasing at a fairly rapid rate due to medical advances. What might be an accurate statistic today probably won’t be tomorrow. While it is important to understand the statistics, it is not helpful to be governed by them. The Nash family knew this to be true:

When Liz was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis in 1973, her parents were told not to expect her to graduate from high school. She did much more than that. Liz earned a PhD in molecular genetics, interned at Johns Hopkins University and went on to become a research scientist in CF. She also volunteered as a mentor to teens with CF, who struggled with thoughts about their future and medical compliance.

Liz was optimistic, enthusiastic, and passionate about her life’s work and interests. She shunned the limitations imposed by CF.   As captain of her college ski team she refused to give up the sport when oxygen became necessary. She simply skied with a backpack filled with portable oxygen tanks.

As an inspiring individual, Elizabeth Nash was selected to carry the 2002 OlympicTorch through Union Square in San Francisco. Liz died at nearly 33, well past her “statistical average” at the time but her spirit lives on as her example and courage continue to bring hope to families with CF.
With many medical conditions, there is a strong correlation between good self-care and longevity. Parents can use statistics to inspire hope and spark an “I can beat this” attitude. Parents who give off positive, “we can beat this” vibes generally raise kids with the same determined spirit. We have met many CF parents and their children who demonstrate this indomitable and inspiring attitude.

In summary, wise parents handle statistics and medical predictions by:

• Emphasizing that significant medical progress is being made in almost all areas, and that health and longevity are increasing for almost all illnesses. 
• Realizing that for all individuals, the future is unknown.
• Many lives are shortened by unexpected illness and traumatic events. 
• Encouraging their children to believe that they have every chance of being one of those children “who fall on the high side of the bell curve because you take such good care of yourself.”
• Understanding that the quality of a life is measured not by its length, but by the amount of love, accomplishment, and giving that fills it.
• Understanding that worrying about the future and chewing on the mistakes of yesterday rob both today and tomorrow. The resulting hopelessness, negativity, and worry can shorten lives and certainly diminish the quality of life.
• Believing that those who bravely face life’s obstacles build a character that not only leads them to be more capable people and leaders, but sets an example that enhances the lives of all with whom they come in contact.
• Answering a child’s questions about the course of his or her illness can be difficult. How can parents answer their child’s questions with hope if they have not come to a good place themselves? The child will almost always take the parent’s cues. So don’t let scary statistics rob your hope and joy!  

***********************
 
From the book “Parenting Children with Health Issues: Essential Tools, Tips and Tactics for Raising Kids with Chronic Illness, Medical Conditions and Other Special Needs” by Foster Cline, M.D. and Lisa C. Greene available at bookstores. Dr. Cline is a well-known child psychiatrist, author, and co-founder of the popular Love and Logic parenting program. Lisa is the mother of two children with cystic fibrosis and a parent coach.  For free audio, articles and other resources, visit   ParentingChildrenWithHealthIssues dot com.

By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D. 

There are two kinds of giving: one is manipulative, the other is 

freeing.   The manipulative giver is one who believes that giving is a 

way to get what he wants or needs.   This is truly selfish giving.   

Manipulative givers expect something in return for their gifts.   Not 

only are material gifts expected, often non-material returns are 

expected.   We all know the giver who, in return for their gifts, 

expects love, loyalty, emotional support or reassurance.   These are 

psychological gifts. 

A more subtle form of manipulative giving is the caring professional 

whose only motivation for care giving is to earn money.  This is the 

person who shares his/her talent or skill for a  purely selfish 

reason…to get money.   This singular motivation often results in 

their own emptiness or “burn out.” 

An even subtler form of manipulation through giving, is the person 

who wants to improve his self-image or “feel better about myself” by 

giving.   The most obvious giver of this type is the self-sacrificer 

who gives away that which he wants or needs himself.   The 

self-sacrificial giver also hurts or defeats himself by giving. 

Then there are the “people pleasers” who give to others out of fear 

of what others might think of them if they do not give.   These 

manipulative givers believe their giving controls what others think, 

or how they behave, especially toward them.   Their belief is, “If I 

give enough, they will like me, think more highly of me, or approve of 

me.” 

Free giving is usually called, “generosity.”  The free giver has no 

concern about the outcome of her giving.   She is generous by nature.  

 Her way of being in the world is characterized by giving…for no 

reason. 

You may be generous by nature, or you can develop a generous nature as you would any other skill.   If you become freely giving, the 

psychological rewards can be tremendous.   However, reaping those 

rewards is not the desired outcome of your giving.   They just happen 

to occur. 

Most traditional spiritual teachings describe the benefits of 

giving.   Examples include: When people are generous, others usually 

love them; when we give, we receive; it is better to give than to 

receive; people who are generous can enter any group without fear.   

Almost all religious faiths teach the benefits of “cheerful giving.” 

From a psychological standpoint, giving freely is in itself, freeing 

to the giver.   Giving freely is very powerful.   Generosity develops 

psychological qualities of “letting go” of greed, avarice, envy, 

grasping, clinging, dependency, guilt and self-imposed limits. 

The Buddha is to have said, “If you knew, as I do, the power of 

giving, we would not let a single meal pass without sharing some of 

it.”  Sharing of food is a metaphor for all giving.   When we offer 

someone food, we are not just giving that person something to eat.   

We are giving energy, strength, health, vitality, beauty, clarity of 

mind, even life itself, because without food, life does not continue. 

Figuratively speaking, when we have meals that fill and satisfy us, 

and we share them with others, we are giving far more than food.   We give knowledge, honesty, compassion, joy, peacefulness, caring, and love.   When we ourselves are full of these qualities, and we share 

them, what we are offering is the fundamental substance of 

psychological health. 

Buddhist mediator, Susan Salzberg, writes: “Generosity’s aim is 

twofold: we give to free others, and we give to free ourselves.   

Without both aspects, the experience is incomplete.   If we give a 

gift freely, without attachment [r to the outcome]s  …it celebrates 

freedom both within ourselves as the giver and in the receiver.   In 

that moment, we are not relating to each other in terms of roles or 

differences.   In a moment of pure giving, we really become one.” 

Remember, the most basic drive for every one of us, is a longing to 

be well and happy.   Engaging in an act of generosity acknowledges our oneness in this drive.   Practice the art of freely giving, and you 

experience the unity of all humankind.   After all, we are all in this 

life together.   We might as well share life as we live it.   In doing 

so, psychological health and happiness is assured. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 

Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D. has 30+ years experience as a Life Coach and 

Licensed Psychologist.  He is available for coaching in any area 

presented in “Practical Psychology.”  Initial coaching sessions are 

free.  Contact him: (970) 568-0173 or E-mail: 

LJTDAT@aol.com. 

Dr. Thomas is a licensed psychologist, author, speaker, and life 

coach.  He serves on the faculty of the International University of 

Professional Studies. He recently co-authored (with Patrick Williams) 

the book: “Total Life Coaching: 50+ Life Lessons, Skills and 

Techniques for Enhancing Your Practice…and Your Life!” (W.W. Norton 2005) It is available at your local bookstore or on Amazon.com. 

by:  Michelle LaRowe 

It’s no secret that the rate of US childhood obesity is at an all time high. In fact, the rate of obesity in preschool children, aged two to five, has doubled over the past thirty years. And the rate is continuing to rise. The Institute of Medicine recently issued a report that warned by 2010 one in five children will be classified as obese.

While it’s also no secret that physically active children are less likely to struggle with childhood obesity, parents often struggle when trying to find ways to get their kids moving. So how can a parent successfully coach their preschooler to actively engage in physical activity and foster a family attitude of activeness?

• Remember that active parents breed active children. First, it’s vital to realize that as a parent, you are your child’s first role model and coach for physical activity. Your child will watch, learn and develop his internal physical activity meter and attitude of activeness from you. A child who watches their parent head out for a morning run (or accompanies her via jogger stroller), or take the family dog for a nightly walk becomes accustomed to the normalcy of the role physical activity plays in their parents day.
• Communicate your views on physical activity to your children. Let your child know how you feel about physical activity. Communicate your feelings about being active and let your child know that you value taking care of your body and exercise and activity is one way that you do that. Explain to your child why you’ve chosen to walk to the corner store, rather than take the car, or why you parked so far away from the grocery store door. Sharing the physical benefits of regular exercise that you have experienced with your child like maintaining a healthy weight, having an increased level of energy and lowering your risk for health issues can help to foster an attitude of activeness within your family.
• Make a family pledge to be active. Get the family involved and make a pledge to be an active family. Commit to taking part in thirty minutes of structured physical activity three times per week as a family. Going for an evening stroll, heading to the local park together and even heading to the local indoor pool for a family swim are great family friendly physical activities. If your child’s daycare or preschool or your family church is within walking distance, pledge to walk once per week.
• Physical activity can be family fun. Kids love to feel like they belong. When children can easily identify with their family unit it fosters a sense of security. And when children feel like they “fit in” their self esteem gets a boost. So when physical activity becomes a family activity kids are eager to participate and take part. A daily walk, time outside playing ball and even an indoor dance-a-thon are all family friendly activities that can easily increase your child’s level of physical activity. Having a daily time set aside for family activity can boost the activity and self esteem of young children. 
• Encourage active play. While it’s true that children benefit when they exercise their brains through play, they also benefit from exercising their bodies. Teaching your children that food is composed of calories and movement helps to burn those calories is a great way to share the important role that physical activity plays in our day.  Encouraging kids to spend time outside in the backyard, climbing play structures and engaging in physical activity may give your child a gentle nudge of encouragement to get him moving. Preschool children should be encouraged to take part in thirty to sixty minutes of physical activity over the course of the day. And this time doesn’t have to be traditional gym time. Actually, kids will be more eager to take part in backyard races and soccer games rather than an extensive time of calisthenics.
• Hone in on activities your child enjoys. Observe your child at play and figure out what types of physical activities he enjoys and excels at. If he likes kicking the ball around, set up a small net in the backyard. If he’s a natural climber, take him to different local parks to explore the play structures.  If your child isn’t keen on getting moving, look for other things that he enjoys and incorporate them into physical play. For example, if you child loves problem solving design a make shift obstacle course in the backyard. If she has a strong interest in math, play a basketball shoot out game that requires keeping score. 
• Look for natural moments to activate activeness. You may be surprised at how easy it is to up your child’s physical activity level throughout the day. Parking the minivan further away from the grocery store, allowing your child to walk, rather than stroll through the mall, and using the stairs rather than the elevator can help boost your child’s daily physical activity level.
• Praise your child for getting physical. Give your child positive, purposeful, praise when she’s being active. Praise her for suggesting that you use the stairs, rather than the elevator or for asking to play outdoors.

Remember when coaching your child to be physically active that gentle encouragement, positive feedback and practical physical activities sprinkled throughout the day go along way in fostering an attitude of activeness in your young child.

If “Men are from Mars, Women from Venus”, parents are often left wondering, “Exactly what planet is my teenager from?”
 
The teenage years are a minefield of hormones, emotions and insecurities that can leave kids anxious and wondering exactly where they fit in, both in high school and the world at large.

During these years, parents are often frustrated in their attempts to bridge the high hopes and expectations they have for their children with the perplexing and perceived irresponsible behavior their kids can exhibit. 
          
To understand teenagers, parents first have to understand and appreciate a teenager’s point of view. Their world is driven by an overwhelming desire for independence that compels teens to want to assert themselves as individuals. But in doing so, their rebellion and defiance put them at risk both for parental conflict and for personal safety.

There are a number of steps parents can take to foster communication and to make the transition from adolescence to adulthood easier:

• Live in the Moment:   It’s easy to get wrapped up in a busy day’s activities of working, grocery shopping, ferrying kids to practice, then making dinner.  But oftentimes we are so consumed by the tasks at hand that we fail to recognize when our kids might actually be ready to talk.  Parent-teen communication is a lot like visiting a tide pool – there is usually only a brief window of opportunity for access.  Be observant and look for signals that your teen may be ready to open up.  If she asks about your day or he lingers in the kitchen while you’re cooking, set aside what you’re doing and be ready to fully engage in conversation.
•  Really Listen:  What’s the opposite of ‘Talking?’  Most people will automatically reply that it’s ‘Listening’, but this is far from the truth for most parents.  In reality, they’re not actually ‘listening’, but instead are ‘Waiting to Talk.’   You can never fully understand or appreciate what your teen is trying to tell you if your focus is solely on your planned response.  For those seemingly rare instances when your teen is conversing with you, put aside the tendency to prepare rebuttals and instead focus on the key points your teen is making.
• Avoid Lectures:  There are ways to make your point without resorting to “Because I said so” or becoming Broken Record Mom.  Instead of lecturing, try using questions to engage your teen.  “So what went through your mind when Sara asked you to go to the mall after school, when you knew you were grounded?”  “Weren’t you concerned you’d get caught?”  “Did you think the lie you used could make things worse?”  By asking questions, you give back some control of the conversation to your teen, which leaves her more receptive to discussing a topic and less intent on shutting you out.
• Quit Yelling:   We’ve all seen it.  A sports coach who loses his cool so often that the players eventually just tune him out.  And where does that get him?  Not only have his players shut down, but his bad behavior set such a bad example that he was ejected from the game.  If there were a referee in your household, how often would you find yourself ‘ejected?’  Yelling is a no-win situation.  It only leads to the escalation of conflict, not the resolution of it.  If you find yourself losing your cool, take a breath and regroup.  Be upfront with your teen and say, “I’m really starting to lose my temper right now.  How about we take a break and set the timer for 30 minutes and come back and revisit this topic then when we’ve both had a chance to think things through.”

By keeping your cool, you show your teen firsthand that you really are in control, and not the ranting and raving mother that he’s justified in tuning out.

• Admit Your Mistakes:  How often have you heard your teen say, “Well you’re not perfect, either!”  Where did she get the idea that you ever were? It can be frustrating for teens to see their parents appear competent and in control, and can leave teens wondering if they ever will be themselves.

By admitting your mistakes, you show them that indeed you are not perfect, but just a human being as susceptible to foibles and failures as they are. You also give them a much bigger gift — the lesson that what really counts is how you react and recover from your mistakes.
          
There are two special gifts we should give our children:
One is roots, the other is wings.

            By the time your child is a teen, the roots are well on their way to being established. But it is during the fleeting years of adolescence that you have the opportunity to ‘give them wings.’

            By practicing good communication techniques and engaging your teen in active conversation, you can help them spread their wings responsibly, while maintaining as much household harmony as possible during these unpredictable years.

# # #

Resource List

Talking with Your Teen – American Academy of Pediatrics
Improving Parent-Teen Communications – American Counseling Association
Your Teen – Alabama Cooperative Extension System

Caron Goode’s (EdD) insights are drawn from her fifteen years in private psychotherapy practice and thirty years of experience in the fields of education, personal empowerment, and health and wellness. She is the author of ten books and the founder of the Academy for Coaching Parents, a training program for parents & professionals who wish to mentor other parents. A mom and step-mom, she and her husband live in Ft. Worth, Texas. Reach her at carongoode@mac.com. Read her latest book, The Art and Science of Coaching Parents: Building a Successful Home-Based Business.

“If you believe it, you can achieve it.” — Anonymous
The above quote is what guided Adina Lederer on her path to becoming an ACPI Certified Coach for Parents™. Being a parent coach has been a life long dream for Adina. Her passion is to help families. To Adina this means bringing a deep sense of self awareness to each family member, especially parents. She believes that self awareness is the key to being better parents and having more fun and love in the family.

Discovering the Academy for Coaching Parents International was a dream come true for Adina. She relates her initial contact with Dr. Caron Goode as the positive influence in her committing to the course work required for becoming a certified coach for parents. Her philosophy that knowing and accepting ourselves, which includes our talents and our shortcomings, brings us the strength to work on ourselves, resonates with the heart-centered approach offered by the Academy. Adina believes that differences are a tool of connection within the family.

Through her coaching work, she helps parents and families appreciate the uniqueness of each child in the family. Adina works with them to change any potentially competitive situation to one of support. This was reinforced through the training provided on Connection Parenting taught by Pam Leo, which gave her additional skills to show how to deal with natural diversity within families. 

The highlights of her training with the Academy encompass the support she received from the staff to take what she was already doing in her teaching and create a home-based business, the expertise of the staff and the personal growth component. Adina states that she grew personally and professionally from her course work. She values how the classes were arranged to fit into her life as a full time teacher, mother and wife. Adina believes that the Academy offers the best parent coaching program around because the focus is on enhancing both your professional and personal life.

Adina offers the following tips to those who wish to become a certified coach for parents:
• Be determined. Don’t let any excuse sway you from your dreams.
• Be motivated. Use your inner strength and the support of others to stay motivated.
• Put everything you have into it.
• Give yourself the time and space you need to participate in the classes and to do the homework.
• Learn the marketing skills. Your biggest challenge is the marketing piece.
• Make yourself visible through articles in papers, distributing your business card, and follow up phone calls.

A firm belief in the power of “working on ourselves to achieve what we want in life,” allows Adina to give to people a deeper understanding of ways to be better people and thus better parents. Adina integrates this belief into her parent coaching practice. She is well known for her compassionate heart, an innate ability to understand her clients, and accurate insights into the help that is needed. Adina gives parents specific tools and new understandings of how to make positive changes within the family structure. The uniqueness of each family member is appreciated and brought to light. She knows that families need extra support and she has a loving way of giving families what they need to handle any and all crisis from a caring perspective.

To learn more about Coach Adina’s services or to schedule a free phone consultation, you can contact her at coachadina@gmail.com. 

A desire to simultaneously empower parents and children to have loving, respectful and fun relationships with each other is what inspired Sandra Couts MSN, RN to take the parent coaching course offered by ACPI. All children are different. Growing up in the same family does not guarantee that they will have the same values, interests or needs. This can be a frustrating part of any parents’ life. Comparisons between siblings is common place—not always helpful yet not necessarily harmful. A compassionate intuitive parent coach like Sandra, mentors on unique temperaments and effective communication styles.

Sandra defines parent coaching as the ability to work with parents on the issues at hand to problem solve and find solutions. Her toolbox includes the personal style inventory, the values assessment, intuitive insights, and connection parenting techniques.  Sandra learned how to integrate her values of honoring the uniqueness of the parenting role with understanding the importance of treating children with the loving respect they need and deserve.

In her parent coaching experience, Sandra immediately discovered the important role her training at ACPI and her intuitive insights played in helping a parent in distress about her teenager’s behavior.  The mother and the son were at odds with each other around the issues of free time, getting a job, friends and using drugs. These common adolescent issues were creating obstacles in their ability to talk openly with each other.

For more information on Parenting Intuitives, check out the Parenting Intuitives website!

 Using her intuitive abilities, Sandra showed this loving mother another perspective on why her son was making the choices he was making. She assisted the mother in finding solutions to interact with her son in ways that he would open up to her. It worked. The doors of communication opened. They were able to establish some agreements that supported this teenager in stepping into adulthood and allowed the mom to have the respectful and loving connection she wanted.

Tips offered by Sandra to encourage others to take advantage of all that ACPI provides in training include the following:

• Know that there is a need for qualified parent coaches. The parenting role is vast and can be overwhelming. Parents need help. The training you receive from ACPI more than prepares you as a parent coach.
• Take advantage of the support provided by the staff at ACPI. The staff is highly skilled in their teaching abilities and gives you the tools to succeed.
• Explore the different specialty niches. Having options on how you want to use your training and set up your practice is phenomenal.
• Don’t let the marketing piece scare you. You will get the information you need to move forward.
• Be committed to learning and show up. How you approach the courses will reflect your ability to handle a home-based business.

                

Sandra Couts, MSN, RN, Intuitive Counselor, & Certified ACPI Parent Coach provides intuitive parent coaching via phone sessions. She offers a fifteen minute complementary parent coach consulting session. Her other services include intuitive counseling sessions, Full Wave Breathing™ sessions and courses on developing and discovering your intuition. To make an appointment or for more information call contact her at coutssd@hotmail.com

This FREE guide made possible with the contributions of ACPI is yours…nothing to sign up for….nothing to buy!

Packed with 14 articles from top experts in the field of parent coaching and parenting, the Momference Guide to Love and Relationships is ready to help you enjoy the Valentines Day.

Visit the ACPI blog Coaching Parents to download your FREE copy of the Momference Guide to Love and Relationships!

Remember:   Applications are being accepted through February 25th…if you have been thinking about taking ACPI classes, listen to the informative ACPI Welcome Podcast about the exciting field of Parent Coaching!

ACPI is giving away FREE electronic copies of the popular Momference Guide to Love and Relationships!

You will receive your Momference Guide to Love and Relationships instantly!  No strings attached.  Nothing to buy.

As we all know, reading is fundamental. Reading makes it possible for children to learn, grow, and discover the world around them.

There are four steps children take to becoming readers:

1. In the first step, they are known as pre-readers. Pre-readers like to look at books and behave like a reader. In this stage, your child begins to understand how text works and can retell a story from memory.
2. Next, she becomes an emerging reader. At this point, she is ready to be taught how to read. She begins to match written words to spoken ones, and can identify simple words in text.
3. From here, she develops into an early reader. As an early reader, she is more confident of her ability and capacity to learn. She recognizes more words and understands their relationship to language sounds.
4. The last phase is that of a fluent reader. The fluent reader can read a variety of materials and relate to the information.  Once your child reaches this stage, her reading foundation is in place.

Six Ways to Encourage Young Readers

1) Start With Language. Language sounds are the basis for reading skills. Children learn these sounds by listening to you converse. Every time you talk with your child you are strengthening this understanding. You can improve her sound recognition in a number of ways including: 

• Telling stories
• Asking questions
• Singing songs
• Playing word games
• Pointing to words as you read them

2) Bring on the Fun. Story time should never be a boring time! Try your best to make reading together relaxing, enjoyable, and above all fun! Helping your child experience reading as a pleasure is as easy as:

• Bring the story to life with dramatic inflection
• Using different voices for different characters
• Taking turns acting out the story
• Choosing books filled with repetition so your child can “read” along
• Making going to the library an adventure

3) Book Report. When you talk to your child about books, it shows her you place value on them. It also helps her strengthen her vocabulary, reading comprehension, and critical thinking. You can accomplish this by:

• Talking about treasured childhood stories
• Asking what type of books she enjoys most
• Before reading a book, ask her to tell you a story based on the cover
• Asking her what she would do if she were the main character
• Asking her questions about the story and encouraging her to do the same

4)  Everyday Reading. There is a lot of reading involved in everyday living. Turn this fact into an opportunity to read out loud. This will help your child practice sound recognition and develop reading skills. You can do this when you:

• Read road signs and billboards
• Read food labels at the grocery store
• Look up words in the dictionary
• Read letters or emails
• Refer to a written recipe while cooking

5)  Put on Your Listening Ears.  Just like talking about books, listening to your child read aloud shows you value reading. It also demonstrates that you believe in her abilities and support her efforts. When you listen, be sure to:

• Show your interest and enjoyment
• Listen without interrupting
• Let your child figure out words on her own and learn from her mistakes
• Take turns reading with beginners
• Encourage her to listen to herself read 

6)  The 3 P’s—Patience, Praise, and Pride. As with everything, it will take your child a bit of time to develop her reading skills. Be patient as she reads, makes mistakes, and learns. Always demonstrate how proud you are of her accomplishments, and remember your praise means everything to her.

About the Author:  Caron Goode’s (EdD) insights are drawn from her fifteen years in private psychotherapy practice and thirty years of experience in the fields of education, personal empowerment, and health and wellness. She is the author of ten books and the founder of the Academy for Coaching Parents, a training program for parents & professionals who wish to mentor other parents. A mom and step-mom, she and her husband live in Ft. Worth, Texas. Reach her at carongoode@mac.com.

In the New Year, many celebrate new beginnings or a new resolve for self-improvement. For others, it is a time of loneliness, sadness, and grief.  The overwhelming feeling of loneliness is not just about adults, children experience it also.

A friend of mine who has adopted four children told me how difficult this time of the year is for her four adopted children.  Their minds wander to their biological parents, and why they gave them up for adoption.

For grandparents who are raising their grandchildren, they and their grandchildren grieve the loss of their adult child who is the parent of the grandchild. It seems irrelevant whether their loss is due to physical illness, to drugs and alcohol, to crime … their loss is a death of this loved one as they knew them or as they wished they could have been. It is to say the least, an overwhelming and deep loss for both generations.

As a member of American society, we are not given much time to grieve and feel the depth of our sadness.  In fact, we often replace sadness with anger, because for some reason, that is a more acceptable emotion. 

But the fact is this past year, 2005, left many of us in a state of loss, and shock over our losses.  Whether it was the tsunami in Asia, the hurricanes in the Southern United States, the earthquakes in Pakistan, the mudslides in Nicaragua, the flooding in the Northeastern United States, we have suffered many losses, traumas, and heartaches.

These disasters offer us an opportunity to come together as ‘one’ people;  people of the world whose hearts ache for loved ones we have lost.  Let us support each other in our time of loss; let us allow ourselves to experience our sadness and our deep grief.  Let us take the time to shed tears, and to cry on each other’s shoulders.

Let us resolve to allow ourselves to experience our emotions. If we do, our sense of loneliness will not be as raw or overwhelming.  We often feel lonely because we feel disconnected from other people, family, friends, and co-workers.  We withdraw or wear a mask to hide our deeper feelings and in so doing, we alienate ourselves from loved ones. 

We, also, often without intention, teach our children to cope the same way with their emotions.  That is, we teach them to withdraw, to be less than forthright with their feelings. Slowly but surely our children begin to wear masks, and feel disconnected, and as a result, lonely. 

When we allow ourselves to feel and experience the depth of our emotions, we give ourselves permission to ‘let go’ into love.  It appears black, it appears violent…yet, I know there is a bigger picture that I, with my small eyes, cannot see.  Then comes trust.  Trust in others, but mostly trust in self and trust in that which is bigger than all of us.   Life is a dance…the orchestra of the spirit, needs all instruments, children and adults and elderly, including those who play ‘different’ tunes.  Play your life instrument as well as you can and the orchestra will provide life with its melody. 

Finally, after you have played in the orchestra, than be willing to surrender.  Be willing to surrender to forgiveness and gratitude—complete gratitude for the gift of life.  I may get angry, I may feel lonely underneath that anger, but as soon as I remember that I am part of the whole and whole itself, I forgive, and I am no longer lonely.  Give this gift to your child, to your grandchild and know that you are giving the ‘gift of gifts.’

About The Author …
Elaine is the mother to three grown daughters, and grandmother to three granddaughters. She considers her parenting role the most important of the many roles she has experienced in life and grandparenting the most fun and creative role.

For the last 5 years Elaine has been a trainer for the Corporation for National Services, Washington, D.C., incorporating a background in holistic health with her study of leadership. As a national trainer, she conducts workshops on leadership, building partnerships, creating sustainable projects and most importantly, on helping people find their passion in life. Contact her at elainek4@earthlink.net.