Recently, I received from a reader of this column the following
“Top Ten Secrets of Love.” It was so psychologically healthy and so
powerful, I want to share it with you today. Perhaps you will use it
as a reminder for yourself throughout your life …especially if you
want to improve your ability to be a loving human being.
The first secret: the power of thought. Love begins with our
thoughts. We become what we think. Loving thoughts create loving
experiences and loving relationships. Affirmations can change our
beliefs and thoughts about ourselves and others. If we want to love
someone, we need to consider their needs and desires. Thinking about
your ideal partner will help you recognize him or her when you meet.
The second secret: the power of respect. You cannot love anyone or
anything unless you first respect them. The first person you need to
respect is yourself. To begin to gain self-respect ask yourself,
“What do I respect about myself?” To gain respect for others, even
those you may dislike, ask yourself, “What do I respect about them?”
The third secret: the power of giving. If you want to receive love,
all you have to do is give it! The more love you give, the more you
will receive. To love is to give of yourself, freely and
unconditionally. Practice random acts of kindness. …The secret
formula of a happy, lifelong relationship is to always focus on what
you can give instead of what you can take.
The fourth secret: the power of friendship. To find true love you
must first find a true friend. Love does not consist of gazing into
each other’s eyes, but rather looking outward together in the same
direction. To love someone completely you must love them for who they
are, not what they look like. Friendship is the soil through which
love’s seeds grow. If you want to bring love into a relationship, you
must first bring friendship.
The fifth secret: the power of touch. Touch is one of the most
powerful expressions of love, breaking down barriers and bonding
relationships. Touch changes our physical and emotional states and
makes us more receptive to love.
The sixth secret: the power of letting go. If you love something,
let it be free. …Even in a loving relationship, people need their
space. If we want to learn to love, we must first learn to forgive
and let go of past hurts and grievances. Love means letting go of our
fears, prejudices, egos, and conditions.
The seventh secret: the power of communication. …To love someone
is to communicate with them. Let the people you love know that you
love and appreciate them. Never be afraid to say, “I love you.”
Never let an opportunity pass to praise [and acknowledge] someone.
Always leave someone you love with a loving word…it could be the
last time you see them.
The eighth secret: the power of commitment. If you want to have love
in abundance, you must be committed to it… Commitment is the true
test of love. If you want to have loving relationships, you must be
committed to loving relationships. When you are committed to someone
or something, quitting is never an option. Commitment distinguishes a
fragile relationship from a strong, loving one.
The ninth secret: the power of passion. Passion ignites love and
keeps it alive. Lasting passion does not come through physical
attraction alone. It comes from deep commitment, enthusiasm, interest
and excitement. …The essence of love and happiness are the same,
all we need to do is to live each day with passion.
The tenth secret: the power of trust. …You cannot love someone
completely unless you trust them completely. Act as if your
relationship with the person you love will never end. Trust is
essential in all loving relationships.” Trust yourself, trust others
and trust the world. It is the foundation for love.
Don’t keep these ten secrets a secret anymore. Share them with
everyone you love. Practice them and you will become a genuinely
loving human being.
Dr. Thomas is a licensed psychologist, author, speaker, and life
coach. He serves on the faculty of the International University of
Professional Studies. He recently co-authored (with Patrick Williams)
the book: “Total Life Coaching: 50+ Life Lessons, Skills and
Techniques for Enhancing Your Practice…and Your Life!” (W.W. Norton
2005) It is available at your local bookstore or on Amazon.com.
If you found the above column useful, feel free to share it with
To subscribe yourself to Practical Life Coaching, click on the
following line (or copy and paste the address below into your web
Upon subscribing, you will receive Practical Life Coaching
approximately once a week.