Posted by: coachingparents | December 14, 2009


By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.

It costs so much to become a whole human being that there are very
few who have the enlightenment or the courage, to pay the price.  One
has to abandon altogether the search for certainty and security, and
reach out with both arms to embrace life with energy and passion. 
Like a lover, one has to embrace the world and their being alive
within it. One has to accept both pain and pleasure as a condition of
existence.  One has to accept doubt and darkness as the cost of
learning and having new experiences.  One needs a will that is strong
but flexible, and one that is always open to accept every consequence
of their choices and actions.  Only when we embrace dying as a certain
aspect of living do we stand of chance of creating success.  I define
success as “any state or condition with which you are content.”  There
is a psychological price people must pay for being at peace within
themselves and being content with their lives.

Today, most people I know are rather desperately seeking inner peace
and contentment.  They are unhappy with their marriages, their jobs
(or lack of one), their children, their finances, the economy, their
“lot in life.”  They are unhappy with themselves.  They long for inner
peace and happiness.  They believe “happiness” to be a goal.  They are
not aware that happiness is a byproduct of the way of life they
create.  They seek inner peace, but are unaware of the price it costs.
Here is a partial list of some of the costs for inner peace.

ITEM 1: You must practice thinking and acting spontaneously and in
the present, rather than from fears or resentments rooted in your past
experience.  Even if that experience was yesterday!

ITEM 2: You must give up your clinging to negative emotions and
develop an unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.

ITEM 3: You must lose all interest in judging others, as well as lose
the habit of judging yourself.  Negatively judging or criticism of
yourself or others only generates inner turmoil.

ITEM 4: You need to lose all interest in interpreting the thoughts,
actions, and feelings of others.  Your interpretation is always

ITEM 5: You will lose interest in winning conflicts and aggressively
attacking others in order to “win” your point or your position.

ITEM 6: You will need to give up your ability to worry or become
anxious over conditions you cannot control.

ITEM 7: You will have to immediately let go of frustrations and
resentments when they occur within, and replace them with empathy and

ITEM 8: You will need to give up the tendency to be in control and
learn to let things happen rather than force them or “make them

ITEM 9: You must give up the illusion you can change how others
choose, how they think, how they feel and how they behave.

ITEM 10: You must tolerate more frequent and overwhelming episodes of
appreciation for yourself and others.

ITEM 11: You will need to learn to be fully satisfied with feelings
of connectedness with other human beings and with nature.

ITEM 12: You will have to quit the habit of frowning and replace it
with smiles and (of all things) “cheerfulness.”

ITEM 13: You must give up your fear and denial of death and allow it
to become a natural part of being alive.

ITEM 14: You will have to develop a regular habit of enjoying the
condition of being alive.

ITEM 15: Above all you will have to tolerate and sustain an increase
in your desire to love yourself and others as precious human beings.

ITEM 16: Most of all, you will have to modify your thinking habits,
your emotional habits, and your addictions so they support the
creation of the life you genuinely desire.

It is obvious the price list for inner peace is rather long and tends
to pose a serious threat to human hate, violence, rage, injustice, and
war.  Are you willing to pay the price for it?

Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D. has 30+ years experience as a Life Coach and
Licensed Psychologist.  He is available for coaching in any area
presented in “Practical Life Coaching” (formerly “Practical
Psychology”).  Initial coaching sessions are free.  E-mail: or


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