Posted by: coachingparents | April 2, 2009


Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D. has 30+ years experience as a Life Coach and Licensed Psychologist.  He is available for coaching in any area presented in “Practical Life Coaching” (formerly “Practical Psychology”).  Initial coaching sessions are free.  Contact him: or
By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.

Over the past few months, millions of Americans have lost their jobs; the economy has spiraled downward; and the amount of anxiety in our lives has spiraled upward.  Health care professionals know that approximately 85 % of the reasons we seek medical treatment are “stress-related.”  I suspect that the incidence of stress-related illness is also dramatically increasing. 

I have spent the last 35 years of my professional career helping people to maximize the wellness of their lives.  During that time, I have identified several principles which, if understood and followed, lead to health, wealth and happiness beyond our usual imaginings, even when we are going through extremely stressful times.  Here are seven of those principles.

1.  If you don’t learn the lesson now, it will return over and over again.  So many of us are into quick and easy solutions to life’s perceived problems.  We take a “Band-Aid” approach.  When something bad happens, rather than feeling helpless and victimized, take extreme steps to discover and resolve the source of the difficulty.  Become aware that by the time you realize the event as a “lesson,” you have probably experienced it at least 3-4 times before.  Learn from repeated (and undesired) experiences and replace them with new (and desired) ones based upon resolution of the source of the undesired experience. Example: if you are currently unemployed, spend 8 hours a typical workday seeking employment: networking; sending out resumes; seeking retraining; dvertising yourself as available (and skilled); checking websites and newspapers for “want ads” etc.

2.  We attract who and what we are ready for.  We don’t like to believe this one, but it’s true.  The sooner we take full responsibility for the quality of who we are, the quicker we will attract what the universe needs to give us.  Someone once said, “God’s delay is not God’s denial.”  The solution is to grow, and to grow out of what you are attracting now, and into what you want to have.  A willingness and desire to change, sometimes drastically, is often the
signal for the Universe to provide you everything you desire.  Success at anything begins with change in yourself.  Ask yourself, “What character traits do I need to develop or strengthen so I will contribute to the change in my life I really want?”  When you express that character trait(s) in your daily life, you more likely attract the outcomes you desire.

3.  We are all interrelated and connected, yet distinct as individuals.  Energy, like the air, is always flowing between people, objects and the universe.  Energy is exchanged between the smallest of molecules as well as the largest of stars.  Energy is either beneficial for you or it’s not.  You need to protect yourself from people or situations which deliver energy that is harmful to you. While we are all influenced by the energy of others, we can still do what we feel is best for us.  We needn’t live through others.  Money is another form of energy.  Never commit yourself to spending it when you don’t already have it.

4.  Having it all is merely the beginning.  Most people spend their lives striving to “get it all.”  Don’t spend your lifetime getting it all.  Live your life as though you already have it all.  At some point, your wants will diminish and if you’re still alive, you begin to realize you have it all.  When you have all you truly require, life becomes easy and choices become clear.  When you start from the position of having it all, your present and future becomes abundant and joyful.

5.  A personal foundation, based on positive values, makes all of life available and a whole lot easier.  You cannot effectively express yourself unless you have strengthened yourself.  Distinguish between being strong and having personal power.  Many people have power, but are personally weak.  Life becomes a whole lot easier as you become fully responsible for its quality and nature.  When you value the highest and best in life, you become strong and effective at living.

6.  Healthy personal priorities are: integrity first, needs second, and wants third.  Being true to yourself is critical.  Having integrity really means that what you think, say and do, are consistent and congruent with your highest values.  It is your responsibility to see to it that your needs are met.  Meeting your needs is no one else’s job.  Only when your true needs are satisfied, can you trust your wants to be the best for you.  Only through helping others get
what they want can you receive the best of what you want.  Cheating others always ends up with cheating yourself.  Bernie Madoff and others know this principle all too well.

7.  The truth shall set you free, but it may make you miserable at first.  Our lives simply haven’t been set up to have the Truth come first.  Most of our human problems arise when we are either unaware of the truth or deny it.  Telling the truth is a skill that is learned through practice.  If we model ourselves after liars, we come to believe lying is what is needed to make it in life.  Most of us find changing our untruthful habits difficult and fear-producing.  However, when we always express the truth, we simplify our lives, reduce our anxiety and allow room for love to flourish.

Apply these principles to your own way of living, and you may just create the lifestyle you desire …even it stressful times.


Dr. Thomas is a licensed psychologist, author, speaker, and life coach.  He serves on the faculty of the International University of Professional Studies. He recently co-authored (with Patrick Williams) the book: “Total Life Coaching: 50+ Life Lessons, Skills and Techniques for Enhancing Your Practice…and Your Life!” (W.W. Norton 2005) It is available at your local bookstore or on



  1. We need to attain obedience by our 9 years old boy and can’t achieve it yet. Is there a problem with him or with us?

  2. Dear Roberto, Since I do not know the details of your son’s life, I cannot comment on the problem or the issue. I am sure, however that you can find a parent coach on the Academy’s site to assist you with your issues. One key, however, I can comment on is the word obedience, which usually requires submission, coercion and punishment. Science has taught us a lot in the last fifteen years about how to approach children and what works, mainly cooperation, kindness, compassion, bonding, nurturing and understanding their temperaments.

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