Posted by: coachingparents | November 1, 2007

Parent to Parent


 “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”  Ralph Waldo Emerson

When I first wrote for the Current In Carmel newspaper, my sole intent was to help develop parents into a lifelong career of improving their parenting skills.  Over the weeks, and based on the feedback I am getting, most parents want to know ‘how-to’ parent.  “How-to parent” requires asking “how-to-be-a-parent.”

While I’m flattered that you feel I am worthy of your intent, I believe our most effective parenting skill is to identify our personal parenting style.  Knowing our personal style becomes a question of knowing ourselves and changing patterns and habits that might be detrimental to the well being of our children. We’re the only one’s that can answer the question, ‘how-to-be-a-parent’ honestly.

We know what we are bringing to the table as parents.  We know when our parenting styles are honorable, genuine and decent, manifesting into who we are and how we want our children to know us.  We also know what we need to do to improve ourselves before we can ask our children to improve themselves. 

Much like the airlines ask, in emergencies, that the adult put on the oxygen mask first before placing it on the child, so it is with parenting.  We must address our own ‘emergencies’ with the intent of helping ourselves so that our children will survive the turbulence that will arrive from time to time.  I’m not suggesting this is an easy transition.

I am stating that ‘children are not the problem’ when we parents have taught them most everything they’ve learned.  At best, we have the opportunity to shape our children into respectable and respected human beings.  At worst, we’ve taught them to accept our imperfections and forgive our mistakes.  Yes, I can help you with ‘how-to-parent” your children if you’re willing to let me, as your personal ‘parent coach’ help you “parent” yourself too.   Think about it.  “What came first, the parent or the child?”  I’d love to hear from you.

_____________________________________________________

“Ask Yiayia” by Becky ‘Demas’ Kapsalis,  ACPI, CCP,CPTF, INDIANA Certified Coach for Parents –Specializing in ‘single moms.’  Becky is a Columnist, Character Education Trainer, Speaker, and P.A.R.E.N.T. development principles founder.  Becky can be reached at 317-810-9358, askyiayia@indy.rr.com.

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Responses

  1. Becky,
    Fantastic article! I couldn’t agree with you more that our children take their cues from us and it is our responsibility to do whatever is necessary to be the best we can be. Congrats on your article being so well received!

    Warmly,
    Tara Paterson, ACPI CCPI
    Certified Coach for Parents of Intuitives

  2. Becky, I couldn’t agree more. I think that we parents sometimes forget, in our busy-ness and desire to “fix” things quickly, that children learn primarily by our example over the long haul.

    We can never ask more of our children then we ourselves are willing to give. So, if we want our children to be respectful to us and others, we need to show them respect. It takes a brave parent who is willing to look honestly in the mirror to see what needs to be changed in herself before she seeks to change her child.

    Isn’t it so much easier to work on changing everyone else? Then we don’t have to look at the things about ourselves that may not be so pretty. The problem is, our children are a perfect mirror. What we see reflected in them is probably what we don’t like about ourselves in the first place.

    We can’t learn how to parent until we learn how to be a good parent. The good news is that it’s not that hard with an open-hearted look at our parenting style and some good parenting tools and techniques.

    We really only have to worry about the behavior of one person- ourselves! When we do a good job with that, the rest often falls into place for our children, too. Happy Parenting!

    Lisa C. Greene, ACPI CPC, BS and co-author with Foster Cline MD of Love and Logic’s “Parenting Children with Health Issues: Essential, Tools, Tips and Tactics for Raising Kids with Chronic Illness, Medical Conditions and Special Healthcare Needs For more information, visit http://www.happyheartfamilies.com

  3. As a coach myself… I feel you recieved your free consultation.

    I agree with the comments that were shared with in this article. I provide parenting education classes’ to parents with the intent of starting their process of understanding what worked for past generations of parents is worth another opinon.

    The first step with out a doubt is understanding there is much room for improvement…

    Family & Parenting styles will continue to change…

    Our “Children” will at some point be in controll of and making decissions that are in the “best” intrest of their parents…

    Remember… How we treat them is what we teach them! ~Author~ P.Leo

    Are you prepared?

  4. I just read your article on parenting. I totally agree that we need to know ourselves first before. I was fortunate enough to major in social work in college. This gave me the oppertunity to examine the person I was, I am, and I will be in the future. My husband worked for a time on a child and adolescent unit so we both came into parenting with so ideas of how we wanted to raise our children. Through open communication we have been fairly successful, at least up to this point. Thanks,


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