Posted by: coachingparents | October 8, 2007

Nothing But Love

“The issue is not so much being loved but being loving, which leads to the same wonderful feeling you experience when someone loves you.” –Carol Pearson

Love is used to describe many things and often used to describe many relationships throughout ones life, but true love is found in the heart of a child.  I loved, adored my oldest son from the day he was born.  He was always happy and pleasant to be around;  he slept through the night at 7 weeks old and could be taken to any restaurant at any time and would never so much as sigh;  he was cute as could be and photogenic to boot.  He was an all around perfect baby.  I couldn’t have loved any one or any thing more.  I truly understood what the word love meant or so that’s what I thought.  My life was complete and my heart was full.

When Adam was 18 months old, I found out I was pregnant again and not too pleased about it.  I was happy and content with my one child, our home and my life.  A few weeks after we received the news, I had a miscarriage.  I was somewhat relieved and went back to things as they were.  God had a plan, he always does.  Another 9 months passed and I found out I was pregnant again.  This time I felt some excitement about another baby, but the sonogram showed I would have yet another miscarriage.  This time it was twins.  I was in disbelief, but knew God had a plan, he always does.  So when the news came again 1 year later I was pregnant, I deemed this pregnancy as high risk and took precautions to ensure I carried this baby to term.

9 months later our 2nd baby boy entered the world with ease.  My labor and delivery went quickly and smoothly and by the looks of things, we would be blessed with another easy going baby.  Within a few weeks however, things didn’t appear to be going quite as planned.  Caden did not sleep through the night by 7 weeks of age; he was not permitted to enter nice restaurants as a sigh would have been the quietest of moments; he didn’t travel long distances peacefully; and he was an attention seeker.  He was all around quite the opposite of Adam.  My life lesson- I did not know what unconditional love was.  I was finding it out in the midst of sleepless nights and chronic spit up.  I was entering into uncharted territory as from one moment to the next I didn’t know if I wanted to laugh or cry, but a change would take place that would leap frog my heart into a place I had not yet visited.  I was learning what unconditional love truly was.  By the time Caden was 2, the only words used to describe him were- he is nothing but pure love.  He had an energy that surrounded him I had never been exposed to.  Everyone who met this child commented on how sweet he was or how he exuded nothing but love. There was something really special about Caden and he would prove to be my greatest teacher in many, many ways.

One of his first tests as a toddler would be in the area of patience.  In a rush to accomplish all of my work- house, business and otherwise- I neglected the signs Caden was handing me on a silver platter- pay attention to me! I ran upstairs for a shower about 20 minutes before Adam was due home from school.  My objective was to be ready to take Adam shopping, which he had hopefully requested every day for a week.

Caden, meanwhile, was quietly watching “Shrek” in the playroom, and I gave little thought to what mischief he could be getting into.  Showered, dressed and hair dried in 15 minutes, I came down with five minutes to spare. I opened the door to the playroom and was met with a surprise I could not have imagined. Every single one of our 15-plus board games were scattered all over the floor. I stood there in shock and disbelief. I never knew how many pieces were in a game of Risk and stood there horrified, trying to figure out how to begin cleaning up the mess.  This would be the first of many messes Caden would bring into our lives.  Today we lovingly joke about how Caden makes a mess with just about anything he touches.  To be transformed from a clean freak to a mom who just accepts what is, has been an evolution all unto itself.  Love truly does come in many forms!

He also has a knack for appearing at the right moment with a- mommy, I love you; or a funny anecdote or hug.  After my dad passed away, for more than a year he would say, out of the blue- I miss papa or my heart hurts.  I am constantly in awe of the words he uses to describe how things make him feel.  He would pop into the room to tell my mom he loved her and can intuitively sense when someone needs a pick me up.  I am also amazed at how aware he is of the people and things around him, including animals.  He is often touched by the emotion he sees in another child or even watching something on T.V.  One night, we were teaching our 11 month old “don’t touch.”  She continued to grab at a fake plant on the fireplace hearth and our concern was she would pull it over with her weight which could lead to her getting seriously hurt.  After repeated attempts at simply saying- “no, don’t touch,” my husband proceeded to pat her hand in an authoritative I mean business fashion.  The drama began and the crocodile tears streamed down her little face.  Caden who was a witness to the interaction, began to cry himself in consolation of his little sister.  It was at that moment my husband and I both realized we were in for an interesting journey if we were to teach our youngest one what no means.

As I have traveled this journey as a parent, I have come to realize the blessings our children bestow upon us.  Children aren’t born to us as beings to control, but rather people to learn from.  I owe a debt of gratitude to all of my children, but to Caden for showing me the beauty of pure love; the simplest and most abundant resource in the Universe.  The love of a child is the essential ingredient necessary to develop a competent and loving adult.  I observe the love my children grace this world with and have come to realize that if I can learn half of what they know, I will be doing well in this lifetime.

“Grown men can learn from very little children for the hearts of little children are pure.  Therefore, the Great Spirit may show to them many things which older people miss.” –Black Elk 

© 2007, Tara Paterson


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: